5/16/2016 (from my journal) Today went really well. Something is changing or waking up in me. It feels like something that was always going to open up is starting to. My higher self is just waiting for the right time-it is what I am here for-I just don't know what it is yet.
I look around and pray that one day we will all wake up. We will start seeing the truth of life.
Why are we here? Why are we here on this earth? What is your answer to that question. Maybe you can't answer it. What are we doing here if we haven't even sought out the answer to this age-old and most important question.
I believe we are here to remember who we are-who I am. I feel I am an entity that has been created from "All That Is". I am a creative extension of Himself (or Herself) who is pure love-the purest of love. If I am an entity created from the pureness of "All That Is" then that means we are infinitely connected. I was given a choice to bear a soul and experience form. I chose to experience life on earth. I came to experience 3rd dimension living. I wear my human costume and journey through my earthly life. Funny thing is one of the "root agreements" to experience human life is to agree to forget who we are and where we came from. We would not get the full gamut of human experience if we knew-if we carried conscious memory of our true self. I believe our journey is to awaken and remember just that-remember who we truly are. I am made from love and I choose to walk with love in my heart for all things. I don't always succeed. It is a constant re-remembering-a balancing act. It takes a lot of practice and attention to self and to my intentions.
What does life mean now that I want to continue my human experience-where before I wanted to end my human experience-what a huge ordeal. Saying that made me laugh-"a huge ordeal". Life isn't a huge ordeal, it is simply an experience-a journey. A trip on earth in a human costume.
Making a decision to live this is tough. I don't desire this way of life. Even in my hardest living-I was. I still am. I am here. It seems less important here on these prison grounds then it did outside. Maybe it is the constant disregard that seeps into me. I know that my life has purpose. I live it that way, now. I didn't in the beginning. I need to always focus on my own "knowing". I choose not to engage in negativity and drama.
Prison-my divine intervention-has given me the opportunity to find my way back home and I strive everyday to focus on the positive and to continue to grow regardless of the negativity and chaos around me-that is a feat in itself. I like what Prem Rawat said today (mom sends me his videos to watch at chapel). He said to live life with sincerity. He spoke about me today. Spiritual enrichment and light will be my inward focus-is my inward focus.
I hope I am not here my entire sentence, but I also know that I will not leave until I have learned what I needed to learn. I hope that is more sooner than later. My appeal was denied, my ineffective counsel (3850) was denied and that is now on appeal.
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