My Addiction (con't)

I was in Washington state when I found out that I had a warrant for the Felony DUI which I did not know about.  I went back to Florida to turn myself in and was given 6 months at a Goodwill treatment center.  It was a blessing.  Goodwill changed me on a lot of levels.  I took full advantage of treatment.  I started forgiving myself for losing my daughter over alcohol.  Her father stepped up and is the best father I could have ever hoped he would be.  My daughter was 3 when I was in treatment.  He would bring her to visit.  He and I mended our ways and he got married.  In treatment, I met the love of my life, Jason.  I learned the difference between love and being in love  We graduated from treatment, moved in together and I gained back my parental rights to see my daughter and have her during the week. Life was good and I expected it to continue that way.  We went to AA, worked hard and had a happy life.  Not so fast.  Jason was an addict.  He ended up taking some pills a "friend" gave him at work.  He became a full-blown addict.  I left him.  He died from an overdose of drugs.  My world shattered.  I didn't drink over it though.  During this time, I had a back injury and was prescribed oxycotins.  This was during the time the drug companies were telling doctors that they were not addicting.  What they did do, for some reason, is even out my emotional state and took away my craving for alcohol, so I kept taking them.  In the next few years, I worked, bought a townhome, opened a business with my sister and life was good.  My parental custody was 50/50 and all was well.  As time went by, my addiction to oxy's became more and more and I needed more and more.  I found a "pill doctor" and he supplied me with a monthly prescription.  I became more and more addicted and more dependent.  After a few years of being sober, I started relapsing on and off and the cycle of paramedics and emergency rooms began again.  I was so ashamed of myself because I really thought I had beat it.  Now I was not only an alcoholic, but also a pill addict.  During this time I worked full time as a patient tech at a hospital and was taking RN courses on-line.  I thought I was maintaining.  Then mom moved to Florida and stayed with me.  She saw how addicted I was to oxy's and how they controlled my life.  As an addict, I was in denial about how bad it really was.  After all I was working and going to school.  I felt like the pills kept the alcoholism at bay, even though they were not doing that anymore.  She begged me to get off the oxy's as she thought I was going to die and also how was I going to be a nurse and a pill addict at the same time.  I look back at that time and I was so out of touch with reality, so in denial about my alcoholism and pill addiction.  I did not want those labels.  I did not want to be an alcoholic.  I did not want to be an addict.  I wanted a normal life and even with my addictions, I tried so hard to maintain the look of normalcy.  I wanted to be normal.  I wanted a good life.  I wanted my daughter to have a good life.  But that was not to be.