I think a lot about intention-especially my own intention. What is important in a person with integrity is their intention. What is your intention when you say things to others; when you believe a certain way. Intention should always be from love and goodness. We are left to staff with bad intentions. And if intentions are bad we will not be valued or rehabilitated. We will only attempt to survive this time here while every move we make hopefully doesn't make it harder. Mom ordered a book for me called the Power of Intentions as it is my new focus so if I talk about it a lot-or repeat myself as I am known to do that is why.
We broke the law. We have been sentenced to prison. We are doing our time. The environment in this compound is so negative and hurtful. We are not helped. We are harmed. Everyday. Even simple things like today-no yard time. This is Florida and in total we may get 2 1/2 hours a day outside. Cooped up inside with no way to let energy out in a place that is so negative-so disrespectful to women. A place where some women have to beg for toilet paper or pads. Stuck inside a dorm with angry women who need serious help and rehabilitation. There is no counseling here. All they do is put you on psychotropic drugs like Seroquel and Trazadone. There is noise 24/7 in the dorms which is really hard to get used to. That is why being outside is such a relief. I practice yoga every day.
Then you have officers who are trigger happy to spray and use force on inmates. The officers will try and provoke a situation. The compound creates it's own issues by taking away the little pleasures we do have and then putting people in confinement for reacting to it out of frustration. It is a vicious cycle.
The Department of Corrections has it all wrong. Crime and punishment. What about crime and rehabilitation because almost all of us will end up back on the outside and many end up back here as they have no money, no support system and a crushed soul from incarceration. Prison PTSD.
Send women to prison, over sentenced; with no hope, no self-esteem to only create more of why they are here in the first place. Where in humanity is it written that when a person commits a crime they lose their right to be treated humanely. Even the women who are here for life-who are few-need to be treated humanely and with regard.
I wish civilians could be allowed to walk through the prison and see what it is really like-how we live. It is Christmas time but you would never know it here. There are no decorations. We are not allowed to decorate or celebrate. Holiday's come and go but every day is the same for us. Congress needs to approve a civilian-based team that oversees our treatment.
Before incarceration, I never gave much thought to how women are treated in prison. For the outside it is out of sight-out of mind. People make mistakes. We all make mistakes. I don't blame you for not caring but now I encourage you to reach out, to take that extra step and begin to question the system. Investigate women's prisons in your area. There is a lot of advocacy for men in prison. There is hardly any for women in prison.
If God is the Father, then we are all brothers and sisters and we need to care about each other especially the lost and broken (says Mom).
This is such an awesome blog. I have niece that started a 10 year sentence a few months ago. She says very little in her letters. Everything is always going good, but reading between the lines I know that she is going though hell in there. I've been online looking for info, but it is hard find a real life perspective. What is the daily routine really like there for her? How strict are the rules and such? Are the guards really as bad as what I read about? I picture what I see in the movies, but I know that some aspects probably aren't as bad, and that some might be worse.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate you starting this blog, and thanks to your daughter. I hope she is doing ok.
Please excuse my anonymity, but my sister is a very private person and I promised her I would stay off sites like FB and Twitter.
It is hell and one of the reasons inmates don't talk about it in letters or over the phone is that they are afraid of being targeted by officers. I feel for your niece because it is like being in an abusive relationship every day. It takes a really strong and motivated person to hold their own integrity and value in prison. Also, some prisons are not as bad as others. Find out as much as you can about the prison, advocate for her and don't be afraid to speak up on her behalf. People don't realize that you can email or call the warden, the regional director and Julie Jones if you have a complaint or concern. If we don't speak up, the abuse will continue. My heartfelt empathy goes out to her mother, you and the rest of the family. Unfortunately, we do their time with them.
ReplyDeleteThank you. And thanks again for this blog. I just read your most recent posts. You and Sadie are amazing. It is so nice to be able to get a real perspective of what it is like. There is so much out there about men, but it's much harder to find information about what it is like for women in prison.
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