Relationships in Prison

When women come to prison most are not gay-AT ALL.  Soon you will see these "not gay at all" women with a girlfriend-usually the ones who look like boys (and some look so much like boys you really can hardly tell the difference).  There are all kinds of reasons why not gay women get into relationships.  Many women need the attention the same way they did on the outside.  Some don't know who they are unless they are in a relationship and some really act like they are in a boy/girl relationship and call the "boy" a he.  Long-timers and lifers will almost always come to the point where they yearn for companionship; someone they can share life with.  I know women here who have been companions for years.  They never have sex but the love they have for each other is the same as any relationship.  I believe that any relationship is okay as long as it is positive, supportive, loving and encourages each other to grow.  UNFORTUNATELY, that isn't even close to the typical prison relationship.  The typical prison relationship is about drama and control with two people coming together with major issues.  These relationships consist of physically fighting each other.  There are literally days when all the couples are literally fist fighting in each room.  It is overwhelming.  Rarely do you see a healthy relationship.  It is just like in the real world.  If you are constantly berated and treated without respect and regard by the prison system but cannot speak up for yourself or you will get put in confinement, who do you think you are going to take it out on?  The "boys" here equate being masculine with control.  All that being said let's not forget a shout out for the women who skip all that and go straight for an officer but we will save that for another time.

In prison there are levels of relationships.  First it is "vibin" which means you are attracted to each other, hang out here and there but you are allowed to be "vibin" with other people also.  Then it is "talkin".  This means you have narrowed down that you might like a girl and want to spend time with her, but most still keep a roaming eye.  Then there is "girlfriends".  You have decided to be in an exclusive relationship-exclusive unless one decides to "slide" with someone else behind your back which happens often with the boys.

Prison seeps into you.  It numbs you.  You become numb to the fighting; the violence and almost think it is normal.  If one woman is getting beat up by her significant other, no one interferes.  It is an unwritten rule.  Plus, no one wants the possibility of confinement so you turn a blind eye and some women get really beat up badly.

Today is supply day.  Every Wednesday night we get passed out our 1 toilet paper roll (thin sheets) and 1 hotel sized bar of soap for the week.  The only products prison provides is weekly TP and a bar of soap.  They do not provide shampoo or lotion or any other hygiene products.  Oh yes, they do provide 12 sanitary pads a month (cheap).  If you have a family who can put money on your account for hygiene and canteen your prison life is way less stressful.  Indigent women struggle, especially if they have no hustle.