My name is Michelle, currently known as Inmate Y57648. I started writing a short summary about myself like how I am 28, was raised in a small town called Milford, PA and am the youngest of three girls. I graduated from high school, was a cheerleader and was raised with morals and value in a loving home. In the end I under appreciated everything by getting wrapped up in a world that, at one point, seemed impossible to stray from.
You see I thought I was invincible. "It could never happen to me". As a young adult I struggled with self-esteem issues, stubbornness, two extremely co-dependent relationships and being the product of divorced parents. I thought I was in control. Little did I know that the dysfunctional elements of my life would inevitably fuel me to become a statistic in the ever growing epidemic of prescription pills, which were never prescribed.
My story basically goes like this: I was young and naïve. I had no understanding of who Michelle was so I decided to become what everyone else wanted her to be while simultaneously being nothing at all. I got introduced to pain killers and that was the beginning of the end. Addiction is a vicious cycle; one that creates constant battles between my conscience and my desire to ignore and forget. I ran from my problems, but even miles away in Florida, I was stuck within myself. The rollercoaster life of addiction had me at many highs and lows. During one of my lows I was witness to an armed burglary where two people got shot. I was unarmed and unaware of the events that transpired. I was found guilty and sentenced to 50 years. Fortunately there were no deaths in my case; however many broken hearts. It was a hard pill to swallow; yet one of the sad ugly truths is it took my addicting growing completely out of control, my life becoming a shit show and me getting arrested and life behind bars to realize who Michelle is and to appreciate the gift God gave me.
I don't want to mislead you. I was crushed when reality set in and my freedom was taken away from me. However, time is a funny thing and it gave me the opportunity to explore my past, present and future; my interests, dreams and goals. Although, I became caged in, God set me free. For the first time I was able to selflessly be selfish. While focusing just on myself I realized that life isn't about materialistic things or superficial things. I started to see a glimpse of who Michelle is.
Three years later, I feel guilt and remorse; not only for the circumstances behind my arrest but for the many mistakes and poor decisions I made throughout my life and the people I have hurt; including myself. But it does not consume me . I am not paralyzed by all the feelings I once used drugs to erase. I have learned that God created me to use these challenges, this specific opposition I've faced and to the many still to come for a purpose. My relationship with God is just ONE of many blessings time has given me and my goal is to be a positive influence in the lives of many by using my experience and strength and hope with God's Word and understanding to provide others with a testimony of where life can take you and where you are actually meant to be.
Today I refuse to allow my past to define my future. With perseverance and God's Grace I have won my appeal and am waiting to be resentenced. My hope is that God will provide me a second chance which allows me to fulfill the purpose He created me for: empowering and encouraging others to find themselves also. If He has got me, He has got you too.
No comments:
Post a Comment