This is probably a subject that will sound unreal but it's all true. For one, I do not usually eat the chow hall food. It is mostly unidentifiable or just gross.
The menu is the same over and over again. We have names like "yakasobi" which is cabbage and it is used for everything and ground mystery meat with a flavor added. You will always have 2 slices of bread (plain), cabbage salad (?) or coleslaw, beans or carrots (raw) and that is pretty much it. The portions wouldn't be enough for a child. This is served on trays that are not washed-just rinsed. You can see residue of old food on them. Then you have "cabbage casserole", which is cabbage and ground mystery meat. I just realized that "yakasobi" and cabbage casserole are about the same trying to give us the illusion of variety. The food has no flavoring and your lucky if you get salt and pepper and even luckier if you get a napkin.
The "patties" like Double Salty Patty" (both meals have patties on Saturday). The patties are part ground chicken, except it is everything but the real mean of the chicken, and 2 parts TPV (a meat filler substitute). Sound yummy? These patties are not like anything I have seen on the outside. They are so hard it is like eating jerky. Sometimes these come with sliced uncooked potatoes. There is "BBQ" meat which isn't barbecue anything but TPV with liquid smoke or something. We also have hotdogs which are not cooked and made of the ground institutional chicken? The best days are Tuesday's and Thursdays. Tuesday's we get chicken on a bone and Thursday's we get a patty that is real ground meat. It is the only time the food is identifiable and it is the only time I might ever eat at chow.
Oh, the desserts! We get them only on week-days at dinner and they are either yellow cake, cookie or bread pudding. The cake, cookie and bread pudding are the same every time. They do not vary in flavor, texture or look. They are not like eating dessert on the outside-very bland.
I have heard too many stories about how they don't wash, bleach or rotate containers and food. I have heard the roaches and the mice are bad and the flies are insane. I just can't hear anymore and it is so unfortunate because indigent women have to eat this unsavory and unhealthy food. No wonder there are so many health issues in prison.
I am on the religious diet so every day I get a vegie, protein, fiber and fruit.
I am sorry to tell you this but no one in the free-world would ever eat our food unless it was out of desperation or starvation. No joke.
This is why we all try to eat from canteen which isn't much healthier but at least you know what you are eating. They probably serve awful food on purpose so they can make money on canteen. So, Top Ramen is 1.08, a small bag of Doritos is 1.08, Tuna (2Tblsp) 2.50, tortillas 2.70, soda 1.05 and coffee is 6.00 (instant). It all adds up and that does not include hygiene's, pads, tampons, paper, pen, stamps, shower stuff, bowls, spoons and everything else.
You want to talk conspiracy theories-forget Trump and Hillary. You should hear the girls begging their families for money just to get basic necessities-prison forces you to do it. Many families are poor or don't understand the real needs of a prisoner. It is heartbreaking to hear them on the phone. All we have is our family and a lot of women here don't have anyone. Lost and forgotten.
Inmates are afraid to get treated at medical because of the horror stories, afraid to eat the food and afraid to speak up so they don't end up in confinement. The women will get back at each other by getting someone put into confinement.
Prison is an experience that I cannot believe people actually forget. How could they forget? They come back. A girl showed back up with an H on her tag which means she has been back nine times. What that tells me is she had no support on the outside and was not rehabilitated on the inside.
I sit next to a woman who retaliated against her abusive husband and hit him with an axe 16 times and killed him and she got 30 years. An abused wife kills her husband after he knocked two of her teeth out. I don't even think they should have gotten 30 years because of being battered wives. I jumped into a car; running from someone, never asked for car keys or money, the car went nowhere (I did shout at the driver to drive and drop me off down the road to get away from my drug dealer whom I owed money to), no one got hurt and I got 20 years. Is that fair? I start thinking about this and it is so upsetting. I am not saying that I did not deserve some time but 20 years. I really thought that if I told my side of the story at trial that I would not get prison time at all and when the judge said 20 years and said I was "a danger to society", my whole world crumbled right then and there.
I promise there is an upside to this as awful as it has been-a spiritual side. I have just been trying to get through the grit of prison first because I am not going to make you all feel good and snow you over-prison sucks, but we get ourselves here and that is just the truth. What we do with this time is what is important. If you want to focus on smoking, drugs, hustling" and doing dirt than that is your life here and the prison is conducive to that. If you want to find out who you are, learn to overcome adversity and be the best person you can be in this lifetime then prison is one of the greatest opportunities for that. It is all about perception. And that perception is up to you and your beliefs and sometimes we have to figure that out first. What am I going to do with this time? I can tell you it is the hardest for the ones who are never leaving here-ever. I am leaving here one day. I will one day take that real shower. I will one day eat healthy food. I will see scenery other than prison grounds. I will put my feet up on a coffee table and sink into a soft couch. I will take my dog for a walk. I will feel freedom again and I will appreciate life more than I can imagine it right now. Respect and love the women who will never be able to do that. There are so many women here with life sentences who do not deserve it because they knew, had knowledge or were even accidentally with the perpetrators usually boyfriends-young, young women who are definitely redeemable. It does not take 20 years or a lifetime to realize and make amends for your crime. Once your off drugs and your mind is clear again, you carry that burden always. The average age of the lifers here is under 25. A girl just left her after 4 years. She came in at 15. I pray they find their way and all I can do is try to be an example of what is possible.
What does that mean to be an example? To know who I am. To love who I am. To walk my talk. To share my love and experience with others and try to be an inspiration to others so they also can learn to love themselves and find who they are.
Prison is a struggle everyday to not let it beat you down, define who you are and to maintain your self-worth and integrity. I, like everyone, do have some dark days but I just keep on doing what I need to do and the Creator gives me so much Grace and my spiritual life overcomes the situation that I have found myself in.
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