Colored Pencils, PEP, Patience and Over-Sentencing

😊😊I have a Go Fund campaign to get summer packages for indigent inmates https://www.gofundme.com/summer-packages-for-indigent-women

Guess what?  I actually received good news today in a place that is so on the down-it is rejoicing to hear good news!  We have (mom and I) been working on getting some kind of creative outlet approved here.  With EVERY new admin I write a proposal for colored pencils-it is always denied.  With this new admin I tried again and this time I also added to get hobby craft back (crocheting, painting, knitting).  The warden emailed my mom back and said she will put the pencils up for review to be a property item.  WOW!  She had the Assistant Warden contact me and asked me to write a proposal which I did for Hobby Craft.  We shall see.  Of course, everyone is all excited.  If this happens even with just colored pencils the women here will change.  Something so simple can bring them hope and creativity which has a calming effect.  Also, the Peace Education Program is on the compound now.  It is a program that is happening in prisons all around the world (http://tprf.org/programs/peace-education-program/).  These things are so wonderful.  Maybe someone in admin really does care.  If any of you could spend one day and one night in prison, you would know how huge this is.  I will be impressed if our warden really follows through with this.

On the other side of things-did I tell you about the shorts situation?  There is a prison in Wisconsin-a men's prison-where their family can order them TV's, quilts, clothes packages from Wal-Mart, fruit, etc.  So, there's that and then our prison is taking our shorts away-ones we pay for-why?  Maybe because we alter then to fit better.  We alter everything-nothing fits right and they don't care.  I don't see anything wrong with women still wanting to feel good about themselves and look good.  So, now we can't order shorts.  They are making state issued shorts.  Imagine Little Orphan Annie-what orphan shorts might look like.  Well, that is what they look like.  They are of a corse material (we are in Florida) and they are HUGE-balloon shorts down past our knees.  There is no way we could work out in these.  You can see right up them.  They are ridiculous.  In the summer they will be hot and the girls will get heat rashes if we walk or run in them.  It is amazing sometimes the things admin chooses to focus on instead of providing real rehabilitation and job skill programs-SHORTS?????  REALLY????  Don't be concerned about our self-worth, education, feeling cared for and not forgotten, reconnecting with our families and learning how to be of service instead of being self-serving.  Worry about our damn shorts.  I wish their was civilian oversight for DOC-then maybe some positive changes might happen.

So, when you have staff who picks on you, puts you down and focuses on your every move, you sometimes become bitter and paranoid and insecure.  Why would staff want women to feel that way?  What purpose does it serve?  What kind of power trip are they on?  And who do I tell?  Deal with it or go to jail.

Prison has really taught me to choose my battles tho.  It is amazing how much strength and patience I have now.  What I have learned is that most battles are not worth it.  Not because of fear.  It is more on a karmic level.  I have learned to let people have it.  If someone comes at me heated about something and they start calling "out my name" (prison talk)-meaning they are talking shit-I can choose to either engage and talk shit back and who knows where that will go or I can refuse to engage.  I let them have all of that negative energy for themselves and silently wish them love and light.  Sometimes I even say that out loud, "all the love and light to you".  You know how hard that is to do?  It takes a lot of practice and patience especially if you are a bit down that day and they catch you at that weak moment.  I have practiced so hard that no one can get me to open my mouth until I am ready-and love and light usually come out :).  It is rare I find a battle worth fighting.  And if I do it won't be an argument and will gain something positive.  So far with these certain officers the battle is not worth it.  I am going to let it ride another week or so and see how they behave.  The hilarious part about these women is that I don't acknowledge them by a look or speaking.  All I do is walk by them and they will find something to say to me.  Can you imagine someone doing that to you for no reason-just because they can.  And I have 12 more years of this.  Could be worse (I can't stand it when people say that and I just said it-lol).

I just talked to a nice officer here today at work tell me that most of the women here with life in prison are here because they knew about a murder before or after or had knowledge of one and didn't speak up deserves her sentence of life.  Now I know there is something probably punishable there but LIFE?  Deserving it?  If it was your daughter, sister or mother you would have a completely different attitude.  A lot of these women were victims of domestic violence and were afraid to speak up.  I will never believe that anyone deserves to spend life in prison because their friend, boyfriend or someone else kills someone and told them about it later.  I told him that even if you did go to the police right away, in Florida they would probably give you life anyway. 

The problem in Florida is over-sentencing (I am a prime example.  I had no prior history before my drug problem except a felony DUI 13 years ago), I had addiction and alcohol problems and the judge could have given me 9 years but she gave me 20 and my charges do not reflect what actually happened (as in most of the cases here).  For prosecutors its all about winning no matter the cost.  The judges use "violent" crimes to fill their quotas for the year-yes they have quotas (unless its another rumor but I don't think so).  Plus the judges get recognition for harsh sentences.  Yay let's destroy someone's life, their family's life, their children's life so we can look good.  The heck with 9 years-lets give her 20 years.  You all don't remember the judge that was in the paper for reaching 1 million years sentenced. 

I can't wait to get out of prison.  I promise that I will be running for something political because things have got to change.  We need to change DOC to have viable and productive rehabilitation programs.  It is ex-offenders who should be running DOC as they know best what changes are needed.

One women judge who should have recused herself from my case (and I tried to recuse her buy my PD never filed the paperwork in time), since I had dealt with her husband in the past, decided my fate without any intention of helping me psychologically or with my drug addiction.  She said that slitting my arms from my wrist to my elbows was not a serious suicide attempt.  She could have given me a downward.  And don't misunderstand me please.  I am not looking for sympathy or empathy.  I got me here with car theft and so forth so I am here for a reason but not 20 years worth of reason.  I see women all the time who did much worse and got less time. 

I have to remember that I have a higher purpose-not all the way sure what it is yet.  I have a loving family and I have the Infinite Light of God and the universe.  I know that I am eternally loved and protected no matter what and maybe knowing all this makes it easier to share this with you.  I would love to know what you would like to hear about or questions that you have.  Some things I don't get into because my mom gets a bit freaked out.  She does her best and a great job being my voice for me.