UPDATE: I have been in touch with Representative Amber Mariano and she will set up a meeting for anyone with concerns about their incarcerated loved ones.
Senator Keith Perry went to Lowell on Wednesday and made a tour of the prison. Of course, he never talked to any inmates. The compound spent days cleaning up before his visit and showed him the nicest areas.
I talked to his aide and we can email Perry (perry.keith@flsenate.gov) with any concerns we have about our incarcerated loved ones in Florida. I would suggest if you email him, you only address serious matters like officer abuse, retaliation, food and so forth so that he takes it seriously. As soon as I am better I am going to meet with the local representatives in my area, Jack Latvala (R) and Amber Mariano (R) who is only 21 years old. If anyone would like to join me, please message me. Their offices are in Clearwater.
A woman guard is harassing my daughter Sadie again calling her a whore and looking for anything to have her put in jail. My daughter is afraid to file a grievance for fear of retaliation and because this new admin does not seem particularly interested in grievances so I am holding off for now in contacting the higher ups.
If you have a loved one incarcerated in Florida, I beg you to email Perry, Latvala and Mariano to address your concerns. You do not have to give your loved one's name if you don't feel comfortable. If you are a former inmate, you need to email them about your experience. The politicians need to start addressing the inhumanity and lack of rehabilitation and nothing is going to change unless we speak up.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Appeal, Medical and More
Mom-I have been recuperating from hip replacement surgery so trying to get back on track with blog.
The compound is in it's own little world-officers yelling, inmates yelling. I am waiting for the answer to the appeal of my 3850 (ineffective counsel). I pray every day-not for the right answer but for my greatest good. Me and my higher self got me here for my greatest good-to grow, to learn, to face my demons and to become Sadie and for that I am grateful. But 20 years I did not deserve but who knows what my Higher Self and Higher Power have in mind. It's not about "getting out of here" (tho that would be nice). It is more about continuing life in the free world with an entirely new outlook. I have never been more clear about what it is to LIVE than I am now. I get beside myself just imagining all of the accomplishments I want to make and to do it all with the peace I have found within-something I have never experienced before. My life does and will have a new perspective and meaning. I spent most all of my life trying to end it one way or another whether it was drugs, alcohol or suicide. Now I truly want to live my life and, of course, to help others.
I finally get it. Human life. And honestly, it doesn't even matter if I leave prison to live the way life is meant to be lived. It is about the journey within. It doesn't matter where you are geographically. It matters who you are and who you are becoming. I just want to feel life on the outside again with this whole new feeling and clarity. It is going to be an entirely new world for me. My gratitude factor is through the roof. I cannot wait to smell things again, flowers, dirt, trees, babies, puppy breath, the ocean. Like food cooking or real coffee brewing, the smell of rain. All the things we take for granted.
Today has been difficult as my head and neck have been hurting all day. They finally did an ultrasound on my heart a couple of weeks ago but I have not heard the results. Medical here is a joke. It is where people die. I would tell you about the deaths here but I would probably get put in confinement. I talk to friends here that have been orderlies in medical for years and I could tell you some serious shit. So today I have been feeling out of sorts. I don't like feeling not on point. The last thing I want is for DOC to take care of me.
Oh, I can hear them passing mail. That is the best part of our day sometimes is mail call. It sort of lets you know that you are loved and cared about. There is no worse feeling then feeling like you have been forgotten about by the world. Once again: out of sight, out of mind. So, if any of you know someone incarcerated, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send them a card, pictures, a postcard or even better a magazine subscription. Everyone loves to hear their name called. There are women here who never get their name called. More than sad.
Next blog will be about prison rumors and gossip.
The compound is in it's own little world-officers yelling, inmates yelling. I am waiting for the answer to the appeal of my 3850 (ineffective counsel). I pray every day-not for the right answer but for my greatest good. Me and my higher self got me here for my greatest good-to grow, to learn, to face my demons and to become Sadie and for that I am grateful. But 20 years I did not deserve but who knows what my Higher Self and Higher Power have in mind. It's not about "getting out of here" (tho that would be nice). It is more about continuing life in the free world with an entirely new outlook. I have never been more clear about what it is to LIVE than I am now. I get beside myself just imagining all of the accomplishments I want to make and to do it all with the peace I have found within-something I have never experienced before. My life does and will have a new perspective and meaning. I spent most all of my life trying to end it one way or another whether it was drugs, alcohol or suicide. Now I truly want to live my life and, of course, to help others.
I finally get it. Human life. And honestly, it doesn't even matter if I leave prison to live the way life is meant to be lived. It is about the journey within. It doesn't matter where you are geographically. It matters who you are and who you are becoming. I just want to feel life on the outside again with this whole new feeling and clarity. It is going to be an entirely new world for me. My gratitude factor is through the roof. I cannot wait to smell things again, flowers, dirt, trees, babies, puppy breath, the ocean. Like food cooking or real coffee brewing, the smell of rain. All the things we take for granted.
Today has been difficult as my head and neck have been hurting all day. They finally did an ultrasound on my heart a couple of weeks ago but I have not heard the results. Medical here is a joke. It is where people die. I would tell you about the deaths here but I would probably get put in confinement. I talk to friends here that have been orderlies in medical for years and I could tell you some serious shit. So today I have been feeling out of sorts. I don't like feeling not on point. The last thing I want is for DOC to take care of me.
Oh, I can hear them passing mail. That is the best part of our day sometimes is mail call. It sort of lets you know that you are loved and cared about. There is no worse feeling then feeling like you have been forgotten about by the world. Once again: out of sight, out of mind. So, if any of you know someone incarcerated, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send them a card, pictures, a postcard or even better a magazine subscription. Everyone loves to hear their name called. There are women here who never get their name called. More than sad.
Next blog will be about prison rumors and gossip.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Things I Miss, Recycling and How It Used To Be
Today was a great day! Very cold for Florida. I love the cold tho; it reminds me of home (west coast). Yes, I am a west coast girl. I have to argue that there is no comparison between the west and the east coast. West coast is by far a totally different world! The west coast people recycle-keep the earth healthy and green. They are environmentally conscious and much more open and liberal. There are mountains, rivers, fresh water lakes, snowboarding, skiing, surfing, mountain biking, dune buggies, camping etc. It is so beautiful and has a million things to do. You can actually grow a vegetable garden in your backyard. Boy, do I miss the smell of real dirt, of the forest, moss and blossoms-being in the woods. Sorry east coast, no offense, but the beach and sun with no changing seasons gets old.
And hardly anyone recycles here. I tried to get recycling started in the prison-what a joke. They say they do recycle-pallets and metal. Where? What pallets and what metal? My mom researched it for me and called waste management and they said it was up to the prison. I have been trying to get paper, plastic and aluminum recycling here but no one cares. We have 6 canteens with a revenue of approximately 40,000 a week and everything we buy is cans, plastic and paper. It all goes in the trash. The prison creates a lot of trash. We could implement a recycling program like other prisons have and use the money for recreational supplies and rehab. I don't understand why this prison won't do that. Actually, I don't understand anything DOC does.
I saw this picture of a girl here 30 years ago. She has been here since she was 18 . She recently shared pictures of her over the years and I started crying. I did not recognize the young girl as the woman she is today-for many reasons. Prison back then let women wear dresses and short heels. Her hair was done with a curling iron and she was standing next to a real Christmas tree. She looked so bright. As the pictures went on you could see the change-in her and in the prison. DOC has taken everything away. They used to have blow dryers, curling irons, families could send real hygiene. They had real food on the canteen like fruit, juices and real meat. They had crafts like knitting, crocheting and art classes. They had movies and meditation classes and they had mentors from the outside that were allowed to come to the prison and mentor the inmates. They had softball teams and tournaments. They had kind of a real life. Now we are lucky if we get to go outside for a couple hours a day and some days not at all. They took away everything that might help a person feel good and get a little pleasure out of life. How is that right? How is that Christian? Is that what Jesus would do or Buddha?
And hardly anyone recycles here. I tried to get recycling started in the prison-what a joke. They say they do recycle-pallets and metal. Where? What pallets and what metal? My mom researched it for me and called waste management and they said it was up to the prison. I have been trying to get paper, plastic and aluminum recycling here but no one cares. We have 6 canteens with a revenue of approximately 40,000 a week and everything we buy is cans, plastic and paper. It all goes in the trash. The prison creates a lot of trash. We could implement a recycling program like other prisons have and use the money for recreational supplies and rehab. I don't understand why this prison won't do that. Actually, I don't understand anything DOC does.
I saw this picture of a girl here 30 years ago. She has been here since she was 18 . She recently shared pictures of her over the years and I started crying. I did not recognize the young girl as the woman she is today-for many reasons. Prison back then let women wear dresses and short heels. Her hair was done with a curling iron and she was standing next to a real Christmas tree. She looked so bright. As the pictures went on you could see the change-in her and in the prison. DOC has taken everything away. They used to have blow dryers, curling irons, families could send real hygiene. They had real food on the canteen like fruit, juices and real meat. They had crafts like knitting, crocheting and art classes. They had movies and meditation classes and they had mentors from the outside that were allowed to come to the prison and mentor the inmates. They had softball teams and tournaments. They had kind of a real life. Now we are lucky if we get to go outside for a couple hours a day and some days not at all. They took away everything that might help a person feel good and get a little pleasure out of life. How is that right? How is that Christian? Is that what Jesus would do or Buddha?
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
Relationships in Prison
When women come to prison most are not gay-AT ALL. Soon you will see these "not gay at all" women with a girlfriend-usually the ones who look like boys (and some look so much like boys you really can hardly tell the difference). There are all kinds of reasons why not gay women get into relationships. Many women need the attention the same way they did on the outside. Some don't know who they are unless they are in a relationship and some really act like they are in a boy/girl relationship and call the "boy" a he. Long-timers and lifers will almost always come to the point where they yearn for companionship; someone they can share life with. I know women here who have been companions for years. They never have sex but the love they have for each other is the same as any relationship. I believe that any relationship is okay as long as it is positive, supportive, loving and encourages each other to grow. UNFORTUNATELY, that isn't even close to the typical prison relationship. The typical prison relationship is about drama and control with two people coming together with major issues. These relationships consist of physically fighting each other. There are literally days when all the couples are literally fist fighting in each room. It is overwhelming. Rarely do you see a healthy relationship. It is just like in the real world. If you are constantly berated and treated without respect and regard by the prison system but cannot speak up for yourself or you will get put in confinement, who do you think you are going to take it out on? The "boys" here equate being masculine with control. All that being said let's not forget a shout out for the women who skip all that and go straight for an officer but we will save that for another time.
In prison there are levels of relationships. First it is "vibin" which means you are attracted to each other, hang out here and there but you are allowed to be "vibin" with other people also. Then it is "talkin". This means you have narrowed down that you might like a girl and want to spend time with her, but most still keep a roaming eye. Then there is "girlfriends". You have decided to be in an exclusive relationship-exclusive unless one decides to "slide" with someone else behind your back which happens often with the boys.
Prison seeps into you. It numbs you. You become numb to the fighting; the violence and almost think it is normal. If one woman is getting beat up by her significant other, no one interferes. It is an unwritten rule. Plus, no one wants the possibility of confinement so you turn a blind eye and some women get really beat up badly.
Today is supply day. Every Wednesday night we get passed out our 1 toilet paper roll (thin sheets) and 1 hotel sized bar of soap for the week. The only products prison provides is weekly TP and a bar of soap. They do not provide shampoo or lotion or any other hygiene products. Oh yes, they do provide 12 sanitary pads a month (cheap). If you have a family who can put money on your account for hygiene and canteen your prison life is way less stressful. Indigent women struggle, especially if they have no hustle.
In prison there are levels of relationships. First it is "vibin" which means you are attracted to each other, hang out here and there but you are allowed to be "vibin" with other people also. Then it is "talkin". This means you have narrowed down that you might like a girl and want to spend time with her, but most still keep a roaming eye. Then there is "girlfriends". You have decided to be in an exclusive relationship-exclusive unless one decides to "slide" with someone else behind your back which happens often with the boys.
Prison seeps into you. It numbs you. You become numb to the fighting; the violence and almost think it is normal. If one woman is getting beat up by her significant other, no one interferes. It is an unwritten rule. Plus, no one wants the possibility of confinement so you turn a blind eye and some women get really beat up badly.
Today is supply day. Every Wednesday night we get passed out our 1 toilet paper roll (thin sheets) and 1 hotel sized bar of soap for the week. The only products prison provides is weekly TP and a bar of soap. They do not provide shampoo or lotion or any other hygiene products. Oh yes, they do provide 12 sanitary pads a month (cheap). If you have a family who can put money on your account for hygiene and canteen your prison life is way less stressful. Indigent women struggle, especially if they have no hustle.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Dawn's Story
My name is Dawn Ruff-Hickerson inmate 154123. I am 39 years old and I was sentenced to life in prison without parole. I have now served 15 years for the murder of my husband.
I am not just another inmate who claims to be innocent. I am a former Marine; a disabled vet. During my trial my time in the Marines was used against me. I am not the one who committed the murder for which I was found guilty. However, the prosecutor convinced the jury that I could train someone to wield a knife. Anyone familiar with the way women are trained in the military to use a bayonet knows we don't get any real hands on experience except to stick the center of a fake torso to avoid further engagement.
The prosecutor tried to prove, successfully, that I asked someone to kill him for me. They used the disgruntled murmurings of an unhappily married woman to show that I was trying to get someone to do it for me; using hearsay to prove their case and it worked. The jury found me guilty after two and one half hours.
After my trial was complete, the man who did commit the murder of my husband went on trial. His trial last less than 4 days and he was found guilty in less than 15 minutes.
When he was escorted out by the bailiff after the conviction, he confessed to the bailiff that I was innocent.
When I heard about what my co-defendant confessed to I thought that now they will have no choice but to let me go. Boy was I mistaken.
I have filed several motions all of which were denied predominately because I had to rely on prison law clerks and could not obtain proof of what I needed.
Eventually, I was able to get in touch with my uncle who is also retired military and with his help I was able to obtain legal counsel in order to find and get affidavits from the bailiff and the person who murdered my husband. However, no matter how hard my attorney tried, the judge still denied everything we put before him.
Now we are having to not only find another attorney for an appeal, but figure out how to afford one.
It is hard for me to understand that the very system I served to protect is the very one that is keeping an innocent person locked away with no hope of getting out.
I could have been your sister, your mother, your neighbor or a co-worker. I am currently serving natural life for a murder I did not commit. The man who murdered my husband has submitted an affidavit confirming my innocence. An officer of the court has likewise submitted an affidavit attesting to this. To date my attempts to have my conviction overturned have been futile. I have spent 15 years in prison. I have lost my sons and everything I had.
If you know of a lawyer who would be willing to do a pro bono, please contact me. We are trying to raise money for an appellate attorney. Please help correct this travesty of justice.
I am not just another inmate who claims to be innocent. I am a former Marine; a disabled vet. During my trial my time in the Marines was used against me. I am not the one who committed the murder for which I was found guilty. However, the prosecutor convinced the jury that I could train someone to wield a knife. Anyone familiar with the way women are trained in the military to use a bayonet knows we don't get any real hands on experience except to stick the center of a fake torso to avoid further engagement.
The prosecutor tried to prove, successfully, that I asked someone to kill him for me. They used the disgruntled murmurings of an unhappily married woman to show that I was trying to get someone to do it for me; using hearsay to prove their case and it worked. The jury found me guilty after two and one half hours.
After my trial was complete, the man who did commit the murder of my husband went on trial. His trial last less than 4 days and he was found guilty in less than 15 minutes.
When he was escorted out by the bailiff after the conviction, he confessed to the bailiff that I was innocent.
When I heard about what my co-defendant confessed to I thought that now they will have no choice but to let me go. Boy was I mistaken.
I have filed several motions all of which were denied predominately because I had to rely on prison law clerks and could not obtain proof of what I needed.
Eventually, I was able to get in touch with my uncle who is also retired military and with his help I was able to obtain legal counsel in order to find and get affidavits from the bailiff and the person who murdered my husband. However, no matter how hard my attorney tried, the judge still denied everything we put before him.
Now we are having to not only find another attorney for an appeal, but figure out how to afford one.
It is hard for me to understand that the very system I served to protect is the very one that is keeping an innocent person locked away with no hope of getting out.
I could have been your sister, your mother, your neighbor or a co-worker. I am currently serving natural life for a murder I did not commit. The man who murdered my husband has submitted an affidavit confirming my innocence. An officer of the court has likewise submitted an affidavit attesting to this. To date my attempts to have my conviction overturned have been futile. I have spent 15 years in prison. I have lost my sons and everything I had.
If you know of a lawyer who would be willing to do a pro bono, please contact me. We are trying to raise money for an appellate attorney. Please help correct this travesty of justice.
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