I am the first to say that I did not think about what it was like for prisoners when I was free. I had no experience with it and I had not been close to anyone who was incarcerated. But I am speaking to people who do care or who are at least curious because you are reading my words. When I get out I am going to be a huge proactive voice for the incarcerated.
Someone out there, please explain why people are so scared to help? Is it that you don't care, is it that you feel we don't deserve to be advocated for? If prison was humane and we were treated with dignity and respect as human beings and there were job skill programs and rehabilitation programs, mental health programs (besides drugging everyone up), if we could have creative outlets in our free time like coloring or crafts, if the guards didn't use their power to intimidate us and call us names, then there would be no point in this blog. We would be getting the help we need to return to society as productive members but that is not what is happening. Maybe you feel that we should be treated as horrible as possible as a deterrent. Well, that is not working because I believe the recidivism rate is about 50% according to Florida DOC. Not to mention all the prejudice, lack of job opportunities and so forth when you get out with a felony. You pay for your crime for the rest of your life.
Even though you are not here, you or anyone you know could be here at any time. One mistake-that is all it takes. I know 3 prison guards who are now incarcerated. I know teachers, nurses, business owners, teen-agers, etc. that are here with me.
We are all connected. We will bump into each other again one day at a Publix or shopping at the mall. I will have gained my rights back as a citizen and no one would ever treat me like I am treated now. So, if I would not get treated without respect at a Publix why is it ok to do it because I am incarcerated. Very hard for me to understand. I am the same as you except I made a mistake (fueled by drug addiction) and I have been removed from society and I am serving my time the best I can. We are not throw-aways and that is what it feels like. When I see my Mom pleading for people to care, to donate recreational items or toiletries because DOC does not budget for those, I feel bad because I know that my life is her life, my time is her time and she is trying to make all of our times just a little bit more bearable.
A higher-up told me that if they had the budget for it they would have tons of programs. I don't know if I believe that. Why doesn't the legislature budget for rehabilitation? It makes much more sense. I have been fighting to get our "hobby craft" back which they had years ago where you could crochet, knit, draw, paint and the family paid for it but DOC will no longer allow it. Right now we are just trying to get colored pencils approved so we can color in adult coloring books in our free time which gives us something calming and creative to do. So far no one at DOC cares. Mom just got an email from the warden that she is going to put in a request for us to be able to have colored pencils. That was good news. We will see what happens. Out biggest complaint is that there is nothing to do. You might have 2 hours of yard time where you can go outside or go to the wellness center but when we are locked in-unless you have some kind of job-which a lot of inmates don't there is nothing to do especially in the evenings. It drives people crazy. If they cannot find you a regular job, then you are given "inside grounds" which is basically keeping the dorm clean.
There is a lot we become numb to; there is a lot we need your help with; there is a lot we have no power to change on our own. I don't want the women here to stay lost and uncared for. Every human being has a right to dignity and to be treated humanely regardless of mistakes. Please open your heart and have a new perception when it comes to women incarcerated; or the incarcerated in general. I am doing my time for something I wish I could go back and change as most of us do in here; but we can't. I miss my daughter's school events, birthdays, holidays and I don't get to hear her voice every day or help her get ready for school. She does my time also and it breaks my heart.
I love you guys and I don't even know you. I love you because we are connected as human beings. We share this world, this life, our joys and disappointments. You will remember me just from reading this because my words and your interpretation of them automatically connects us. And one day, in this small world, we may cross paths. Fortunately, I will not be in here forever. I cry for the women who will be. There are a few who should be here forever, who have not taken responsibility for their actions and have no remorse but those women are rare and are usually mentally ill.
We need upliftment, encouragement and guidance so that when we get out we don't end up back here. We want to be productive members of society. We need the tools to be able to do that. A lot of women who get out have no family or outside support and then they have "felony" stamped on their foreheads. It is no wonder these women end up coming back. Talk to your reps, legislature, congress. Let DOC know you are aware so they start creating a more positive and productive environment for inmates.
The women here are over-sentenced, then depressed, then broken-down even more by the way they are treated. So they have to harden up, get tough and learn the ways of prison. Then they get released with no preparation back into the same world which they came from more broken and scared. Is this how we as human beings support each other? Please be a voice for us. With love.
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