Medical, 8th Amendment, Yoga and Service

Well, I have been on the new compound now for awhile and I like it.  No gates-more relaxed and my job is less stressful.  The canteen set-up is different and I am appreciated more.  Inmates are more polite. 

I had put in a transfer for another prison-smaller with a dog program but I cancelled it because they told me I can't transfer to a faith-based prison.  So, I am going to stick it out on this compound for a year or two and then attempt another transfer.

I finally made it to the outside cardiologist (thank you mom).  Outside medical trips are no fun!  We have to be black-boxed-our feet are shackled and we have cuffs.  Then a black box gets attached between the cuffs and the runs a long chain thru it that wraps around your waist so your hands can only move about 5 inches.  Good luck if your nose starts to itch.  It hurts after awhile and the cuffs make deep indentations on your wrists so you spend your ride either waiting for your hands to go numb or you continually adjust your hands the entire ride.  It is approximately a 1 1/2 hour ride.  It is a men's facility but it is also where speciality medical doctors are for the incarcerated.  They do surgeries and house men and women who are recovering.  When we walk through the facility the men inmates act like animals.  They make sexual gestures and kissy-faces.  They stare and gawk.  It is very annoying and very uncomfortable.  It took about 4 hours before I was seen by the doctor.  He set me up with a heart monitor to wear for 24 hours and then said we'll schedule you for a stress test.  We got back to the compound at 3:30 pm and had left at 3:30 am.  Medical said I had to spend the night in the infirmary when the doctor had said that he wanted me to resume my normal duties so he could get an accurate reading.  Can't argue with medical or you get put in jail.  So I laid in bed the whole time until the next morning when a nurse called the doctor and he told them I needed to be doing activities (like I told them).  You would think the medical staff would have an understanding of heart monitors!  So me and the other girls in the infirmary stayed up all night watching TV in a comfortable bed.  I could live in the infirmary-no noise, TV, cordless phone, comfortable bed, good shower and great sink for washing clothes!  It is sad that people are dying in there.  They just rushed a girl to the hospital.  They said she had scarlet fever.  She had strep throat that went untreated and her face swelled up beyond recognition.  They couldn't get it under control.  Anyway, so I actually slept in until 8am which I hadn't done in years.  So, after the doctor confirmed that I needed to be doing my regular activities I only had 2 hours left on my monitor. 

The good part of it was the sweet ladies in the infirmary.  One just had a breast removed and one was having respiratory problems-but they were a delight.  I hope the girl with untreated strep throat makes it.

My mom recently read me a response from my blog.  It made me cry.  She wrote so beautifully.  I never have any idea how people feel about our blog.  Whoever you are in Canada, thank you for your compassion and kind words-it keeps me motivated and inspired.

I have been sharing my story a lot lately.  Other inmates think I have been down for years and years and always ask me when I am getting out.  I am going on 6 years.  Then they ask why I am in prison.  So, have been sharing a lot.  Drug addiction causes a lot of bad choices.  I wish I had known then what I know now.

My post-conviction appeal is floating out there.  I want to go back to court so bad.  I want to get out there and start my activism for the women left behind.  I want to make a difference.  Maybe you will see me on TV someday advocating for prison reform.  I want to share these women's stories and get them the attention they deserve-to at least be seen as a woman, a mother, a daughter, a sister: not just a number.  It has already been proven that when you calla person Inmate and dehumanize them, it is much easier for guards to abuse them.  Plus it is so demeaning.  My name is Sadie- a name my mom gave me after watching a Barbara Streisand movie. 

Most of the women have battle scars from being incarcerated-most came in with their own scars from life.  You all need to stand up and hold out open arms with love and help make a change to the system.  What needs to be changed first?  The point system.  It is ridiculous.  What is considered a violent crime?  They need to have a committee that goes through the case of every woman incarcerated for 10 years or more and see if any revisement is necessary.  Women who are poor have no access to lawyers to help with their cases.  I think anyone planning a career in criminal justice should spend 30 days in prison so they get a clear idea of where they are really sending these women and men.  What happened to the 8th amendment-no cruel and unusual punishment.  Being demeaned, yelled at, humiliated, eating non-nutritious food, lack of proper medical care, no hope for parole for lifers, no substantial rehab programs for preparation to return to the outside and on and on.  I would consider that cruel and unusual punishment.  The system is broken and a broken system produces broken individuals.  Not to mention returning to a broken society and a broken government.  All I ask is that you add love and light to the world by being of service to your fellow human being. 

Next day:

It's loud!  One room with 86 women. 

I now teach yoga for 2 hours on Mondays at the wellness center.  It is going well.  The girls love it.  We have such a good time.  They seem to be very dedicated.  I wish I could teach it all the time.  Yoga is my life.  It keeps me centered, grounded and spiritually connected-and healthy. 

So big news today.  I think I explained previously that I put in a proposal for Hobby Craft with the warden's permission.  They had knitting, crocheting, drawing and painting 20 years ago.  I have proposed it to every admin that comes here only to get shot down.  My canteen boss told me today that the warden called her for pricing for all the hobby crafts and said the warden is all about pushing it to get it approved by the higher ups.  This is huge!  Trying not to get my hopes up.  The prison has not seen any type of craft or colored pencils for the general population for 2 decades and they wonder why it is all about smoking, fighting and shopping as there is nothing else to do.  Even if we only get colored pencils, I will be happy.  One thing about me, I don't believe in NO.  You just have to keep trying.  My patience is insane now.  I can wait for years for things now having been in prison where nothing happens now. 

While I was sitting here writing, a girl hit another girl in the face.  I am so used to it, it did not even phase me.  That is what prison life does to you.  You become numb to chaos and violence.  Even if you wanted to get involved, you run the risk of violence towards you or getting put in confinement with them.

So, my mom visited this last week-end and was expressing disappointment for her GOFundMe account for summer packages for indigent women.  It is one thing to complain about the treatment of inmates, it is another thing to actually do something.  Ever since I have been incarcerated my family has donated games, puzzles, rec equipment, colored pencils and color books to the wellness center at my old compound because DOC does not fund for recreation.  No one had donated in years-probably because they did not know they could.  Inmates were putting together puzzles that no longer had all of the pictures on them, basketball hoop with no basket balls and so forth.  Then some other families started donating also.  My family has used their own money to fund 3 to 7 inmates each package time.  My mother does the GoFundMe so they can help more people and she is getting short on funds having to pay for my lawyers and supporting me in prison.  She lives on a fixed income but is all about helping the less fortunate.  My sister always gets one package for an indigent woman.  You have no idea what those packages mean to an indigent woman.  It means, someone out there cares about me.  Mom gets the most beautiful thank you cards.

If you feel so inclined her website is www.inmateslivesmatter.net and there is a link to the GOFund and we also have a list of indigent inmates to help directly.

The other thing you can do which my mom and some other women have done is send 10 assorted cards and envelopes (Dollar Tree) and stamps as the indigent inmates can trade them for toiletries.

When these women get their packages that they have never gotten you should see their faces when their name is called.  It is like they won The Price Is Right.  They cry and get confused and are not sure what to do.  Now we ask them what they need so we can be more specific to their needs.  Radios with ear phones are always a big deal.  Music calms the soul.

I feel if I have more than I need, then I need to share.  I give away my old clothes (most inmates sell them), my shoes and an indigent woman does my laundry so she can get some things she needs.  I leave little gifts here and there.  I am not trying to toot my own horn but to share how much it means to be of service when possible.

We are all on the same journey.  Earth is our schoolhouse to learn about being better human beings and most of all to be of service.  One day we will all be 6 feet under and when we go to the others side and have our life review what will it say about our time on earth.  It is not a judgement but a learning process.  I never believed in hell, fire and brimstone.  I believe in Love.  Take care everyone.